• Tell stories of your own childhood from the similar time frame of your child's age. Share happy stories, stories where other kids were mean, stories of challenges in the classroom, and anything else you can think of. The goal is to share something about yourself and make it about you. That way, you're talking about you, and your kids can safely participate. You aren't talking about them, and they feel free to express their opinions. Then later on, they may be able to share their own stories with you.
• Play the "what's the best/worst thing that happened to you today" game. Everyone goes around the table (or car, or living room) and shares the best and worst thing about his/her day. Not only do you get some additional information, but your kids get to see you as a real person with real things going on in your real life.
• Be aware of what's going on in your kids' lives at school. Be familiar with classes they're taking, books they're reading, activities they're in, friends they see, teachers they have, and projects they're working on. The more you know about their lives, the more you can be up to speed, ask questions, and be able to participate intelligently when they actually do speak to you.
• Be available. When your child (preschooler or high schooler) does finally open up, listen. If you're busy doing something else and only paying half attention, why would he continue to talk to you? Give him your attention (although you may need to be nonchalant and try to get rid of that hungry "he's finally talking to me!" look on your face).
• Hear what your kids are saying to you. Don't try to turn it into a lesson ("Now what have we learned from this, class?") or a morality tale. If you do, then they'll only come to you when they need a lesson or a moral. How often does that happen?
• Change the subject. Don't talk about school. Talk about the song that's playing on the radio (or iTunes for those of who have older kids). Go over the plans for the weekend. Discuss what to make for dinner. The more your kids get used to you talking to them about all sorts of things, the more they'll be ready to talk about school.
• Finally, include your kids in your activities. There are ways to include even the little ones. Cook dinner together. Ask your three-year-old which kind of rolls to buy at the grocery store. Let your teenager pick out the kind of flowers you're going to plant in the front yard.

There's more to getting your child to talk about school than just, "How was school today?" The goal is to get her to open up, trust you, and talk to you. Whether you're whooping or wailing about the start of school, perhaps you can at least celebrate the start of conversation with your kids.

©2005, Dawn Goldberg and After School Snacks.

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Dawn Goldberg is a Certified Master Virtual Assistant, COO of Assist University, mother, community leader, and former teacher. Her vision is to create a resource that helps parents find ways to enjoy valuable, constructive time with their children every day. Contact her at angel@virtualangel.biz or visit www.afterschoolsnacks.com.