I am so happy to have my children. I love their arms circling around my neck, their lips giving me sweet kisses on the cheek, and the murmuring of "I love you." Kathryn and Anastasia are a delight, and I can't even imagine my life without them. As much as I love my husband, I wonder how complete we'd feel as a couple without our girls. They are a part of us, yet still their own individual selves.

But sometimes I feel frustrated by the limitations of parenthood. From the very beginning, Chris and I knew we were losing the ability to do silly little things like run out to the grocery store at 10:00 p.m. - together. Forget things like movie dates; we just wanted to be able to jump in the car at a whim, drive to the grocery store, and get a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. Parenting became a whim-restricted zone.

Even now that they're older, the school day still gets me. No matter how much I try to change my thinking, I still feel hemmed in by the 8:15 a.m. to 3:15 p.m. day. Sure, I can do things after they get home, but it just doesn't feel as if I can. I have this limiting belief (of my own making, I know) that everything I have to do can only be done in between those times. When you own a business and work from home, that's a pretty short day.

I was reading an article in Motto magazine by a writer who says she gets up every day and writes in bed from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. She doesn't do anything else during that time; she doesn't eat, make or return phone calls, or do any other work. When I read that, I felt myself becoming resentful. I can't do that. It seemed so luxurious and so... indulgent. As a writer myself, I would love to be able to have the freedom to design my day around writing for three hours first thing. But there is no way. I have to feed the kids, make their lunches, get them out the door to school. Then, I could write. Oh, but again, there's that shortened school day. If I write for three hours, that only leaves me less than four to do everything else I have to do.

Then there are all the responsibilities. I have to cook dinner or at least plan on eating at a reasonable time. If I didn't have kids, maybe I could get away with not eating dinner or eating dinner really late, but with school-aged children, dinner at a reasonable time is a must. They need bath and shower, so we have to make sure our schedule is open for that time. My time certainly isn't my own. Maybe it never was, even pre-kids.

What does all this mean? It means I have to be creative. I may have to change the way I think. I may need to ask for help. 

As an example, I've just started working out after the girls get home from school. They have required reading, homework, and piano practice to do every afternoon. Most of the time, they can handle that all on their own. There's no rule that says that just because they're home I have to sit there and stare at them while they read and do homework. I can go walk on the treadmill for forty-five minutes. I can't believe I've just figured this out!

I have a babysitter on Thursdays. Every Thursday from 3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. Alison oversees snack, homework, and piano practice and is available for general babysitter fun when all the work is done. Thursdays feel nice! I don't feel I have a deadline. I do, 6:00 p.m., but it just feels different. Maybe because I know I don't have to shove everything into a six-hour period on this day. 

What I wonder about are the women who feel they can't express any frustration about parenthood. This article details my own feelings of limitations, but I bet every parent has his or her own unique frustrations. I love being a mommy, but that doesn't mean that I love 100% of everything that mommyhood includes. I do feel fortunate, however, that I can express what I'm feeling. If I didn't acknowledge what I was feeling, these frustrations would bottle up and fester inside me until I exploded. I don't want that, not as a person and certainly not as a parent. 

For me, the answer has been to acknowledge what I'm feeling, change the things I can (which sometimes means change the way I think about them), and accept the things I can't. If I'm feeling frustrated by not being able to go see a movie with Chris whenever I want, whether or not our babysitter is available, I need to realize that in a couple of years, I can do that - and leave the kids at home. The school day will always be there, AND that doesn't mean that my day stops at 3:15 p.m.

Parenting can equal joy, with just a smidgen of frustration thrown in for spice.