During her fifth grade graduation ceremony, our daughter Kathryn received top honors, the Presidential Academic Award for Excellence, having achieved all A's in third, fourth, and fifth grades. We were so proud of her!

After the ceremony, a mom came up to us and asked, "What's your secret? Do you have a set time when Kathryn has to do homework every day?"

"Yes," I answered. "Kathryn thrives on routine, so we have the same routine every day when she and her sister come home from school. They have a snack, do their homework, and then practice piano. Then they're free to play. We do this every day."

"Wow!" said the mom. "I told my daughter we'll have to start doing that in middle school. She has to get organized!"

I'm not sure how that's going to work for this mom and her daughter. For six school years, this child hasn't had any kind of structure or routine around homework, and now the mom thinks they'll just easily create one.

With Kathryn being so routine-happy, I know springing something new on her wouldn't work. Way back when she was about to start kindergarten, I thought about what would be best for Kathryn, school-wise. As a former teacher, I knew that a space and time set up every day for the student to do homework ensured success. When it's expected and just part of what she does, then there's no fighting or cajoling to get her to do homework.

So, I created a routine from Kathryn's very first day of kindergarten. She came home from school, had a snack, and did her homework (yes, she had homework in kindergarten - three days a week, the Maryland state maximum ). Incidentally, that's how the After School Snacks eBook was born. I had to come up with snacks every day, and I started making note of them. Then came the brilliant idea to sell an eBook of after-school snacks.

This same kind of thinking (thinking ahead, not selling eBooks) is what I do as a parent. I can remember when Kathryn was walking and just learning to climb. She climbed up on the couch and stood up. It was cute, but I immediately thought of whether I wanted her to be doing that when she was seven years old. Uh, no. So, I gently sat her on her bottom on the couch and told her no.

I found constant thinking ahead and decision-making a little tiring. Her first two years felt like a constant stream of decisions. Do I let her do this? What's my stand on this point? What do I say to this?

On the other hand, thinking ahead did make some decisions easier. Let's see; do we let our children jump on the beds? Well, do we want them doing that when they're seven years old and they can fall off and break something? No for when they're seven, and so no when they're two. Was there that much harm in letting her stand on the couch and jump on her bed if I was right there to watch her? Well, maybe and maybe not. What I felt was going to be a struggle was that sudden switch of gears. "Okay, Kathryn, yesterday when you were six it was okay to stand on the couch. Today when you're seven it's not."

How does that even make sense? It certainly doesn't make sense to a seven-year old, and doesn't even make sense to me as an adult.

I know there are plenty of decisions to be made that I'm not even aware of. Maybe next year I'll be thinking in terms of "Well, I wouldn't let her do it when she's twenty, so why would I let her do it when she's eleven?"

While I'm thinking ahead, I'll be thinking back to the chubby two-year old standing on the couch, smiling angelically at me.