Last week I had breakfast with some other moms from my daughters' schools. I had known Elizabeth and Kris for several years, and I knew Zoe and Carolyn only in passing. We had a wonderful time getting to know each other better, and it was nice to be women at breakfast, no kids in tow.

Of course, the reason I know these women is because of my kids, but isn't that how it always works? We know people because of where we work, who our spouses know, our neighbors, and, of course, our children. We have stay-at-home moms clubs, moms of preschoolers clubs, PTAs, and various Mommy-and-me groups. Face it. We have friends because of our kids.

While a lot of people I know are from this mommy walk of life, I know people because of other facets of my life. I walked into the quilting store the other day, and the woman who helped out at my last quilting class recognized me and exclaimed over the quilt I brought in.

Being a mommy and a quilter are certainly important parts of me, but my circle has grown even wider. More than six years ago, I decided to explore what Dawn wanted to do, instead of being narrowly defined as Kathryn and Anastasia's mother. I applied and was accepted to AssistU, the premier training organization for virtual assistants, and my life changed. Not only did I create and run an incredibly successful virtual assistance practice, but my self-confidence blossomed.

Many of the people I now hang out with and adore are from the AssistU community. We may be virtual, but enough of us are local that I can have real face-to-face relationships with them, too.

Before I entered AssistU, I only knew people from my mommy life. I didn't even know enough to have a quilting life! No wonder that going through the AssistU program changed me. It changed my outlook, my goals, and, more importantly, my perception of myself. I was still a mommy (and I always will be), but I was able to add on to that definition and be a fuller Dawn.

We all have that other-than-mommy definition. If we work outside the home, then we have a life at work. If we're involved in our kids' schools, then we're part of the PTA/volunteer club. Let's just make sure that we have something that is our own. If we adore volunteering, that's great. We just need to make sure it's about us and not about what great moms we are for sacrificing ourselves. I can do the drama program because I like nitpicky little details and I don't get to play with software as much as I used to. I'm not doing it because by creating this drama program it somehow validates my reason for being. We can be ourselves and mommies, too.

Who do you love? Who makes you? Is it the quilter, the cross-stitcher, the knitter, the scrapbooker inside you? Is it the management consultant, personal trainer, or massage therapist who's dying to get out? Is it the chef, the interior designer, or the gardener who just wants to bloom? These people are part of you too, and then can live peacefully alongside you as the parent.

©2005, Dawn Goldberg and After School Snacks.

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Dawn Goldberg is a Certified Master Virtual Assistant, COO of Assist University, mother, community leader, and former teacher. Her vision is to create a resource that helps parents find ways to enjoy valuable, constructive time with their children every day. Contact her at angel@virtualangel.biz or visit www.afterschoolsnacks.com.